
ZZl 



TSDENISON 8. COMPANY 
PUBUSHERS CHICAGO 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. 

A Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Lar^e Cataloiiue Free. 
Price 15 Cents Each. Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given. 



DRAMAS. COMEDIES. ENTER- 
TAINMENTS. Etc. 

M. F. 

After the Game, 2 acts, 1% 

hrs (25c) 1 9 

All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 4 4 
All That Glitters Is Not Gold, 

2 acts, 2 hrs..; 6 3 

Altar of Riches, 4 acts, 2^^ hrs. 

(2Sc) 5 5 

American Hustler, 4 acts, 2y2 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Arabian Nights, 3 acts, 2 hrs. . . 4 5 
Bank Cashier, 4 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 8 4 
Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 9 3 

Bonnybell, 1 hr (25c).Optnl. 

Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2% hrs. 

(25c) 7 3 

Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 h.(25c) 7 4 
Busy Liar, 3 acts, 214- hrs. (25c) 7 4 

Caste, 3 acts, 2^ hrs 5 3 

Corner Drug Store, 1 hr.(2Sc)17 14 
Cricket on the Hearth, 3 acts, 

IJ4 hrs 7 8 

Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs... 7 4 
Daughter of the Desert, 4 acts, 

2^ hrs (25c) 6 4 

Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 2J4 hrs. 

(25c) 8 4 

East Lynne, 5 acts, 2% hrs 8 7 

Editor-in-Chief, 1 hr T25c)10 

Elma, 1?4 'hrs (25c) Optnl. 

Enchanted "Wood, l^h.«5c) Optnl. 

Eulalia, 1 J^ ,hrs C25c) Optnl. 

Face at the Window, 3 ' acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 4 . 4 

From Sumter to Appomattox, 4 

acts, 2J4 hrs (2Sc) 6 2 

Fun on the Podunk Limited, 

114 hrs (25c) 9 14 

Handy Andy (Irish), 2 acts, i:^h. 8 2 
ifeiress of Hoetown, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 8 4 

High School Freshman, 3 acts, 

2 h (25c) 12 

Home, 3 acts, 2 hrs 4 3 

Honor of a Cowboy, 4 acts, 2^ 

hrs (25c) 13 4 

Iron Hand, 4 acts, 2 hrs.. (25c) 5 4 
It's All in the Pay Streak, ^ 

acts, IH hrs (25c) 4 3 

Jarvilk Junction, I'/J hrs.(25c)14J»7. 
Jedediah Tudkins, J. P., 4 acts, • 

2% hrs ....(25c) 7..r' 

Kingdom of Heart's Content, 3 

acts, 2'4 hrs (35c) 6 12 

Light Brigade, 40 min (25c) 10 

Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2'A hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Lodge of Kye Tyes, 1 hr.(25c)13 
Lonelyville Social Club, 3 acts, ' 

iVi hrs (25c) 10 



M. F. 

Louva, the Pauper, 5 acts, 2 h. . 9 4 
Man from Borneo, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 5 2 

Man from Nevada, 4 acts, 2^ 

hrs. (25c) 9 5 

Mirandy's Minstrels. . . . (25c) Optnl. 

New Woman, 3 acts, 1 hr 3 6 

Not Such a Fool as He Looks, 

3 acts, 2 hrs 5 3 

Odds with the Enemy, 4 acts, 

154 hrs 7 4 

Old Maid's Club, 1^ hrs. (25c) 2 16 
Old School at Hick'ry Holler, 

1%. hrs (25c)12 9 

Only Daughter, 3 acts, 1 H hrs. 5 2 
On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 

2y2 hrs (25c) 10 4 

Our Boys, 3 acts, 2 hrs 6 4 

Out in the Streets, 3 acts, 1 hr. 6 4 

Pet of Parson's Ranch, 5 acts, 2 h. 9 2 

School Ma'am, 4 acts, 1J4 hrs.. 6 5 

Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs.. 6 6 

Seth Greenback, 4 acts, 1 J4 hrs. 7 3 

Soldier of Fortune, 5 acts, 21^ h. 8 3 

Solon Shingle, 2 acts, 1^ hrs.. 7 2 

Sweethearts, 2 acts, 35 min.... 2 2 
"Ten Nights in a Barroom, 5 

acts 2 hrs 7 4 

Third Degree, 40 min'.'.'. '. '(25c) 12 
Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 6 4 

Ticket-of -Leave Man, 4 acts, 2 ^4 

hrs 8 3 

Tony, The Convict, S acts, 2^ 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Topp's Twins, 4 acts, 2 h. . (25c) 6 4 

Trip to Storyland, 1^ hrs. (25c) 17 23 

Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2% hrs. (25c) 8 3 

Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 6 4 
Under the Spell, 4 acts, 2J4 

hrs (25c) 7 3 

Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 

FARCES. COMEDIETTAS. Etc. 

April Fools, 30 min 3 

Assessor, The, 10 min 3 2 

Aunt Matilda's Birthday Party, 

35 min 11 

Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 

,Bad Job, 30 min 3 2 

• Betsy Baker, 45 min 2 2 

'Billy's Chorus Girl, 25 min... 2 3 

Billy's Mishap, 20 min ....2 3 

Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min.. 5 

Borrowing Trouble, 20 min.... 3 5 

Box and Cox, 35 min 2 1 

Cabman No. 93, 40 min 2 2 

Case Against Casey, 40 min... 23 
Convention of Papas, 25 min. . . 7 
Country Justice, 15 min...i...8 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 3 2 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY. 1S4 W. Randolph St. Chicago 



WHO'S A COWARD? 



A COMEDY 



BY 

KATHARINE KAVANAUGH 

AUTHOR OF 

" When the Worm Turned,'' ''Countess Kate," "The Queen 

of Diamonds " "A Minister Pro Tent," and 

' ' Under Blue Skies . ' ' 



CHICAGO 
T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

Publishers 

C-- : . 



r5 2>szi 

WHO^S A COWARD? ^'^^'^ 



CHARACTERS. .- 

JiMMiE Graham The Husband 

Bessie Graham The Wife 

"Dippy"' Hogan The Thief 



Time — Evcnins:. 



Time of Playing — Twenty Minutes. 



COSTUMES. 

Jimmie — Ordinary suit with smoking jacket. 
Bessie — Pretty home gown. 

"Dippy"— A cheap worn suit, soft cap, soiled handker- 
chief about neck; rough looking, speaks in gruff low tones, 



PROPERTIES. 

A newspaper. A magazine. A number of small valuable 
articles, such as silver-backed toilet articles, ornamental 
clocks, jewelry boxes, etc. Revolver and big, coarse sack. 
A letter. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R. means right of the stage ; C, center ; R. C, right 
center; L., left; R. D., right door; L. D., left door, etc.; 
IE., first entrance ; U. E., upper entrance, etc. ; D. F., door 
in flat, or scene running across the back of the stage; 1 G., 
first groove, etc. The actor is supposed to be facing the 
audience. .'. ; 

Notice. — Production of this play is free to amateurs, but the sole 
professional rights are reserved by the Publishers. 



COPYRIGHT, 1912, BY EBEN H. NORRIS. 

2 



f^.rin an.^r»5 



WHO'S A COWARD? 



STORY OF THE PLAY. 

Bessie and Jimmie Graham, who have been married a 
year, are beginning to observe each other's faults. The 
curtain rises on a family jar and in the heat of argument 
she declares that her husband is a "fraid cat," a coward, 
because he refused, the night before, to get up and search 
the house for a burglar. He resents the charge, decides to 
prove to her that he is really a brave man and telephones 
a chum to come that night, disguised, and play burglar. 
Bessie somewhat penitent but still intent on proving her 
point, makes a similar arrangement for the same evening 
with a cousin. Dippy Hogan, a real burglar, appears and 
is both puzzled and delighted at the reception given him by 
Jimmie and Bessie, who alternately enter and exit, bringing 
their valuables and hurriedly stuffing them into his bag, 
which he brought to carry away the plunder. It is such a 
soft game, however, that Dippy decides he must be either 
in an insane asylum or else has run into a trap, and escapes 
with the swag. Simultaneously by letter and telephone the 
cousin and chum notify Bessie and Jimmie that they cannot 
come. It soon dawns upon the quarrelsome pair that they 
were entertaining a real burglar, that the lesson they had 
attempted to teach each other had proven a boomerang and 
that they had both been severely stung. 



WFIO'S A COWARD? 



Scene: A nicely furnished living room in the Graham 
home. Reading table doivn R. with a chair on either side. 
A sideboard L. containing decanter and glasses. A tele- 
phone on L. wall above L. 2 E. A center arch, with interior 
drop in back. A door L. U. E. and L. 2 E. and R. U. E. 

At rise of curtain, Bessie and Jimmie are seated at table, 
reading. Bessie has the paper, J-immie the magazine. 
Bessie gives a little gasp of surprise at something she has 
read. Jimmie jumps nervously. and drops his magazine. 

Jimmie {picking up the magazine). For Heaven's sake, 
Bess, don't do that. Can't you let a fellow read without 
giving him the nervous jumps? , 

Bessie. Oh, it certainly is .a -pity about you. You are 
the most nervous man I ever saw. Talk about nervous 
women being a trial. A nervous man is the limit. 

Jimmie. I am not a nervous man. 

Bessie. You are. You almost jump out of your shoes 
if anyone says "boo." 

Jimmie. I deny that. I don't know what nervousness 
is. But what I can't stand are those little meaningless 
grunts and gasps you are in the habit of making at the 
most unexpected times. Why do you do it — that's what 
I'd like to know — what sense is there in it? 

Bessie. That is my way of expressing surprise or alarm. 
It suits me, and I shall continue to do so as long as there 
is any reason for it. 

Jimmie, Oh, of course. I didn't expect you to stop 
on my account. May I ask the sudden cause of alarm this 
time ? 

Bessie. I meant to tell you whether you asked or not. 
Mrs. Jamison, who lives in the block below here, was robbed 
last night of five thousand dollars worth of jewels. (Jimmie 

4 



WHO'S A COWARD? . 5 

laughs contemptuously.) Well, what are you laughing at 
now? Anything amusing about your neighbor's misfor- 
tunes ? 

JiMMiE. That's a fake story. The Jamisons haven't got 
five thousand dollars worth of jewels or anything else. He 
runs a cheap bucket shop and she is trying to gain some 
notoriety through fake newspaper stuff. Wasn't it last 
summer there was a story of her entertaining a bogus 
count at Rasbury Park? And you swallow that stuff whole, 
don't you? 

Bessie. Just a moment, Mr. Kriow-it-all, here is what 
the Globe has to say. The Globe is a reliable paper and 
doesn't print "fake stuff"," as you call it. (Reads.) "This 
is believed to be one of a series of robberies committed 
lately in this section of the city. It bears all the evidence 
of a professional burglary, and fesidents are warned to 
see that their homes are securely locked when retiring or 
leaving home." 

JiMMiE. Sure that's the Globe? 

Bessie. Certainly. 

JiMMiE. Well, it only goes to prove that even the best 
newspapers can be bamboozled. I don't beheve there has 
been a bona fide robbery in this neighborhood for years. 

Bessie. That's the very reason a gang of burglars would 
be likely to select it. The people feel so secure that they 
don't half lock up the houses. 

JiMMiE. Nonsense. "^ 

Bessie. Oh, I know what's the matter with you. You're 
afraid I'll ask you to get up some night and see that the 
house is properly locked. Last week I thought I heard a 
noise in the kitchen. Did you go down and investigate? 
No, you did not. 

JiMMiE. ■ The kitchen was dark as Hades. If I had gone 
down there I should have had to carry a light. Whoever 
was there could have seen me distinctly, while I would have 
been looking into pitch darkness. Did you think I was 
going to make a target of myself like that? 

Bessie. Then you admit there might have been some- 
one there? 



6 WHO'S A COWARD? 

JiMMiE. Well, I wasn't going to take any chances. 

Bessie. If there is one thing a woman can't tolerate it 
is a man who is a coward. 

JiMMiE. Who is a coward? 

Bessie. You are. 

JiMMiE. Be careful what you say, Bess. 

Bessie. I am perfectly aware of what I am saying. I 
have suspected it ever since we were married, but I have 
tried not to believe it. I can try no longer. It is too 
horribly true. I have married a coward. (Rises.) 

Jimmie (rises). Bess! 

Bessie. Oh, it hurts me to say it more than it does you 
to hear it. Before we were married I fancied you every- 
thing a man should be. 

Jimmie. And you have found me lacking? 

Bessie Only in one quality — bravery; but to my mind 
that is the greatest thing of all. 

Jimmie. That isn't a pleasant thing for a man to hear 
from the lips of his wife. 

Bessie. The truth is not always pleasant. 

Jimmie. It isn't the truth, and the first chance I get I'll 
prove it. I have as much courage as other men. 

Bessie. You keep it nicely hidden. (Exit R. U. E.) 

Jimmie (striding about angrily, his hands in his pockets.) . 
Now, isn't that the limit ? Just because I wouldn't get up 
in the middle of the night and go looking- for a burglar in 
the kitchen. I only wish a burglar would break in here — I'd 
show her — ^but, hang it, they never come when you want 
them. I wonder — by George, I wonder if I couldn't get 
my pal, Charley Simpson, to make up as a second-story 
man and break in here tonight. I can't go on letting my 
wife think I'm a coward. I'll do it. Charley is devil 
enough to do anything I ask him. (Looks' cautiously 
through door R. U. E., then quickly goes to telephone. 
Speaks in a quick lozv tone.) Central — seven — three — two, 
please. Gee whiz, if she ever caught me at this trick. I'd 
never hear the last of it. (Into telephone.) Oh, I want 
to — hello, Charley, is that you? Say, do me a favor, will 
you? (Laughs.) No, I don't want a cent. I want you to 



WHO'S A COWARD? . 7 

be a burglar. Yes, honest; oh, just for fun — it's a little 
joke on Bess. Will you? Good.. Well, listen carefully: 
Disguise yourself and get over here as quickly as possible — 
eh? — oh, some rough make-up — you know how to do those 
things — and, mind, you are not to recognize me or give 
yourself away under any circumstances. Just play the 
part for all it's worth. What? All right, I'll stand the 
treats. (Hangs up receiver.) Gee, won't this be a surprise 
to Bess. {Exit L. U. E.) 

Enter Bessie, R. U. E. 

Bessie (in a repentent mood). There, I guess I have 
done it this time. He never will forgive me. I suppose 
it was a hard thing to say,- but he drove me to it, with hrs 
everlasting squeamishness. If I ever let myself believe 
him a coward, I'd be the most miserable woman on earth. 
But he isn't, I'm sure of it — quite sure of it. But, if some- 
thing would only happen to prove his courage — anything — 
I'don't care what — just to rid me of .this hateful doubt of 
him. I wish — I wish one of those burglars who are infest- 
ing this neighborhood would think us worthy of his steel. 
Good gracious, that's an unconscious pun — and nobody here 
to appreciate it. (Pauses as an idea comes to her.) Another 
bright thought. Good heavens, I'm getting clever. I'm 
going to call up Cousin Bob Murray and ask him to come 
over here and rob us tonight. He'll do it, I know he will — 
he'll, do anything for me. ( Going to telephone.) If I am only 
lucky enough to catch him at home. (Calls.) Main — 
five — eight — seven. Hurry, please. Mercy, if Jim should 
come in and catch me. (Into telephone.) Oh, is that you. 
Aunt Emily — is Bob at home. Oh, yes, do call him. (Aside.) 
Now, if he only will — (into telephone). Is that you. Bob? 
Yes — Bessie. I want you to do me the greatest favor. I 
knew you would. Oh, nothing much. Just come over to- 
night and steal everything you can lay your hands on. Yes, 
I'm serious. It's just a little joke on Jimmie. I want to 
see how he'll act under fire. You will ? Good boy ! Say, 
Bob, remember that rough Italian make-up you wore at 
the club masquerade? Put that on, will you? He'll never 



8 WHO'S A COWARD? 

recognize you. Now, hurry, Bobbie. So long. {Leaves 
phone.) What a lark. I'll take a rise out of Jimmie, all 
right. I'll go and spread a few of his things about so that 
Bob can help himself. Oh, wait a minute, the room must 
be dark, to give it the right effect. ( Turns dozvn light, and 
exits R. U. E.) 

Enter Dippy, C. He has small flashlight — steals softly 
to R. U. E. and L U . E., listens, then comes dozvn stage, 
flashing the light around. He is over R. when Jimmie enters 
L. U. E. Jimmie turns the electric switch near L. U. E. 
DipPY^ hearing someone in the room, crouches behind 
table R. 

- Jimmie (laughs). Come out, old man, I saw you. 
Dippy comes out, but is on guard. Jimmie holds out his 
hand.) Hello, old fellow. By George, you got here soon. 
(Takes Dippy's hand.) You're a wonder. Say, it was 
awfully good of you to come. I'll do as much for you some 
day. 

Dippy (puzzled). Say, wot da h — 

Jimmie. By golly, but your make-up is great. You 
ought to be an actor. 

Dippy. Say, cull, wot is dis — 

Jimmie (slaps him on shoulder.) Great! You've got the 
lingo, too. Upon my word, you really look like a burglar. 

Dippy (earnestly). Dat's wot I am, boss — 

Jimmie (pokes him in the ribs). Nonsense, old man. 

Dippy (almost pathetically) . Honest, mister, I'm a burglar. 

Jimmie. That's right, old chap. Keep in the character. 
You're an artist, you are. Have you got a gun? 

Dippy. Sure. (Produces revolver.) 

Jimmie. By George, that looks Hke business. Where's 
your bag for plunder? (Dippy has bag rolled up under his 
coat, brings it out.) Now, you wait here, and I'll bring the 
things to you. Then when Bess comes in I'll knock you 
down and take them all away from you again. 

Dippy. You will, eh? 

Jimmie, Sure — that's the game. 

Dippy. Oh, it's a game. 



WHO'S A COWARD? 9 

JiMMiE. Now, be sure and make a good bluff. Point the 
gun at me, and give me a punch or two if you Hke. 

Dippy . Now, yer gittin' to where I kin understand yuh. 

JiMMiE. Oh, we've got to make it look real, or she'll catch 
on. Now, help yourself to a few drinks {indicates the 
buffet, left side of stage) while I'm gone, and whatever 
you do, make a good showing before Bess. (Exits L. U. E.) 

Dippy. Say, wot is dis Fm up against? Dey told me dis 
was an easy neighborhood, but I didn't t'ink I'd have de 
stuff given to me. (Looks at buffet.) Help meself ? Well, 
I guess yes. I'm beginnin' to need it. (Pours out drink and 
puts glass to his lips.) 

Bessie enters R. U. E., sees Dippy, gives one of her little 
screams, Dippy almost chokes on the liquor. 

Bessie (dancing dozvn stage, clapping her hands.) Oh, 
you darling. 

Dippy. My Gawd — yer's another one. 

Bessie (runs to Dippy, thro-ivs her arms around him and 
hugs him). Oh, you dear boy, how good of you to come. 

Dippy. Dat's wot the oder guy told me. 

Bessie. And how deliciously you talk. 

Dippy. I'm wise — it's a nut fact'ry. 

Bessie (dancing around him). Oh, I want to kiss you. 

Dippy (edging azvay). Nix on de sweets, lady. Me old 
woman would raise 'ell. 

Bessie. Oh, you're too funny for anything. Wait till 
Jimmie sees you. 

Dippy. Blazes — is dey more of 'em in de house? 

Bessie. Now, what are you going to do first? 

Dippy. I t'ink I better beat it. I'm beginnin' to feel fool- 
ish. (Starts up stage, she catches his arm and turns him 
back.) 

Bessie (pouting). Oh, no, not until you've robbed us. 

Dippy. Wot! 

Bessie. You must take things. Don't you know what 
a burglar does? 

Dippy. I knows wot dis one is going to do. (Makes an- 
other break up stage.) 



10 WHO'S A COWARD? 

Bessie {catches him and turns him hack again). Oh, no, 
dear, please go through with it, won't you ? I've just set my 
heart on having you rob us, and now you're going to back 
out. I'll tell you what — I'll help you. Get your bag ready 
and I'll run and get some things to put in it. Take another 
drink — you haven't got nerve enough to steal, a kitten. 
(Runs off R. U. E.) 

Dippy. Why didn't somebody put me wise dat dis was 
a private sanitarium. I guess dey'll bring me a few refrig- 
erators and gas stoves and expect me to put 'em in me 
bag. 

Enter Jimmie, L. U. E., his arms full of small articles of 
value. 

Jimmie. Here you are, old man, most of these belong 
to Bess — open your bag and we'll stick 'em in. 

Dippy {eagerly opens hag). Gee, dem t'ings is all right. 
Say, cull, on de level — 

Jimmie. Not a word out of you. This is the greatest 
joke ever. 

Dippy. Oh, it's a joke, is it? 

Jimmie. Why, of course, you bonehead. You don't 
think I'm going to let you get away with this stuff, do you ? 

Dippy. Well, wot da h — 

Jimmie. Shut up. Now, while I go hunt for Bess, you 
go in there {indicates L. U. E.) and wait until I give you 
the signal to come out. 

Dippy. I'm hip! Wot's de signal? 

Jimmie. I'll say, "Who's a coward?" — just like that — 
"Who's a coward?" (Jimmie says it dramatically.) 

Dippy {looks at him with sympathy). Gawd, ain't it 
awful? 

Jimmie. Now, get in there, and wait for your cue. I'm 
off to find Bess. {Exit L. 2 E.) 

Dippy. It's unprofessional to take t'ings dis way — but 
wot's a guy goin' a do when it's handed to him ? 

Enter Bessie R. U. E. 
Dippy. Yer's de female bug. 



WHO'S A COWARD? 11 

■ Bessie (with her arms full of articles). Here you are, 
dear — let me drop them in. (Dippy holds hag, she drops 
articles into it.) Good boy. You've been helping yourself, 
haven't you ? That's the way to do it. Now, I want you to 
go into that room (indicating L. U. E.) and wait until I 
scream — then come out, and see what Jimmie does to you. 

Dippy. Wot's dat? 

Bessie. Oh, I do hope he'll jump into you and wallop 
the life out of you. You won't mind, will you, dear? 

Dippy, Not-a-tall. Kill me — wot do I care — plenty more 
burglars where I come from. 

Bessie. Go into the other room — quick — before Jim re- 
turns — and mind, when I scream — 

Dippy (-shoulders the bag, going toward L. U. E.). I'm 
wise, lady. Just as you say (as he exits, L. U. E.). Gawd, 
if I ever get out of dis place alive — 

Bessie (runs to L. 2 E.., opens door, peeps through). 
Goodness, he's coming. Now, if he will only prove himself 
a man. (Crosses to R.) 

Enter Jimmie, L. 2 E. His manner is stern. 

Jimmie. Just a minute, Bess. I have a word to say to 
you. 

Bessie. Why, I wasn't going, Jim. What's the matter 
with you? 

Jimmie. I've been thinking over the very painful scene 
we had a few moments ago, and I've come to the conclu- 
sion — 
- Bessie. Oh, Jimmie, I'm sorry I hurt you. 

Jimmie. Hurt me. You've done me a great injustice. 
Come, sit down, I can't talk with you standing on one foot 
like that. (Bessie sits in chair downstage, facing audience. 
Jimmie stands behind chair, facing audience.) You called 
me a coward. If a man had called me that I should have 
killed him. (He overdoes the dramatic part.) 

Bessie. Oh, Jimmie, would you? (Dippy peeps through 
L. U. E., then steals softly toward C. door zvith his bag, 
and quietly exits. They do not see him.) 

Jimmie. Killed him like a dog You think me afraid of 



12 WHO'S A COWARD? 

my shadow, but give me a chance — only give me a chance;' 
I'll show you who's a coward. {Raises his voice and 
glances over his shoulder to L. U. E.). I repeat, I'd show 
you who's a coward. {Glances again, ^'essie. jumps out of 
chair, and screams. Jimmie suddenly frightened, turns to 
her.) W-wh-what's the matter. W-what are you screaming 
about ? 

Bessie. N-n-nothin' — I just stumped my toe. 

Jimmie. It isn't true. You were only trying to test me — 
to see if I was afraid — I'll show you {shouts loudly) who's 
a coward! (Jimmie looks again up L. Bessie screams. 
Jimmie turns angrily.) Stop that I tell you. 

Bessie. I can't — {screams) — I've got hysterics — 
{screams). Oh, why don't he come — {screams. The tele- 
phone and door hell ring at the same time. Jimmie and 
Bessie cease their antics, Jimmie runs to the telephone, 
Bessie goes to door, where a note is given her. She brings 
note dozvn R. and opens and reads it.) 

Jimmie {at telephone). Hello — yes — what's that — you 
can't come — why, you blamed idiot, you're here — in the 
other room — sure, what are you talkin' about — you haven't 
left the house — well, doggone it, somebody's been here. 

Bessie {has read the note, she almost faints). Oh — oh 
— it's from Bobbie — his girl called him up and he- couldn't 
come — then who's the man in the other room? 

Jimmie. That's what I'd like to know. {Goes fearlessly 
up to L. U. E.) Here, you come out quietly, or I'll jump in 
in and knock your bloomin' head off. {He throws door 
open as he speaks, looks in, turns to Bessie.) Great Scott — 
he's gone. 

Bessie. With all the stuff? 

Jimmie. Every last thing. 

Bessie. Oh, Jimmie, I gave him all your things — 

Jimmie. And I gave him all yours. 

Bessie. Oh, Jimmie. {She falls limply into his arms. C. 
of stage.) 

Jimmie {catching Bessie^ but rather limp himself). 
Stung ! 

Curtain. 



On the Little Bi^ Horn 

By CHARLES ULRICH. 

Price, 25 Cents 

Western comedy-drama, 4 acts; 10 m., 4 i. Time, 2% h. Scenes: 
2 interiors, 1 exterior. Easy to set. Characters: Ludlow, a cavalry 
officer. Winston, a West Pointer. Carleton, an Indian agent. Gra- 
ham, commandant of Ft. Winslow. Dakota Dan, a scout. O'Raf- 
ferty. an Irish sergeant. War Kagle, e. Sioux Indian chief. Hop 
Smg, a Chniese cook. Hanks, a telegraph operator. Martin, a 
trooper. Beryl Seymour, the belle of the garrison. Rose-of-the- 
Mist, a pretty Indian maiden. Sue Graham, a soubrette. Mrs. 
Spencer, a talkative widow. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — The Major's suspicion. Rose reveals a secret. News of 
the Indian uprising. "This is what love has brought me to." The 
abduction. A soldier's oath. "To the rescue — then justice." 

Act II. — "The Indians are coming." A scared Chinaman. "Savee 
Hop Sing's pigtail." Rose offers to give herself up to Spotted Face 
to save the palefaces. The avowal of love. "We will fight and die 
together." The rescue. 

Act III. — A message from the President. The wire is cut. "This 
is the the work of Carleton." "The testimony is perjured and the 
documents are forgeries." "I believe you innocent." "You are to 
be shot at sunrise." Beryl to the rescue. Beryl at the telegraph 
key. The reprieve. 

Act rv. — A scout's experience with a Chinaman. "I love ye, 
Rose." "We talk to parson." Saved by an accident. "We will 
surprise mamma and papa." Hop Sing goes on strike. Carleton 
in disguise returns. "I will kill you and have my revenge." Rose 
shoots Carleton. The reunion. "It is God's way." 



An American Hustler 

By WILLIAM S. GILL. 

Price, 23 Gents 

Comedy-drama, 4 acts; 7 m., 4 f. Time, 2^2 h. Scenes: Laid in 
Idaho and Chicago. Easy to set, 1 exterior, 3 interiors. Characters: 
Major Bob, editor of the "Eagle's Scream." Rawdon, a gambler. 
Steve, a young miner in hard luck. Old Joe, a miner who 
doesn't mine. Duxum, a lawyer. Binks, his clerk. Servant. Ame- 
lia, Old Joe's daughter. Priscilla, principal of a young ladies' sem- 
inary. Annie, a deserted wife. Mary, the maid. 

SYNOPSIS. 
Act I. — In Paradise. The Major says something. 
Act II. — Law office in Chicago. The Major learns something. 
Act III. — Miss Fagg's Seminary. The Major tells something. 
Act IV. — Apartment in Major's house. The Major introduces 
something. 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



All A Mistake 

By W. C. PARKER. 
Price, 23 Gents 

"Farce- comedy, 3 acts; 4 m., 4 f. Time, about 2 h. Scenes: Easy 
to set. Lawn at "Oak Farm" and drawing-room. Characters: 
Capt. Obadiah Skinner, a retired sea captain. Lieut. George Rich- 
mond, liis nepliew, who starts the trouble. Richard Hamilton, a 
country gentleman. Ferdinand Lighthead, who falls in love don- 
cherknow. Nellie Richmond, George's wife. Nellie Huntington, a 
friend. Nellie Skinner, anticiuated but still looking for a man. 
Nellie Mclntyre, a servant. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — The arrival of George and his bride. A friend in need. 
The old maid and her secret. Ferdy in search of a wife. George's 
jealousy. The sudden appearance of a most undesirable party. 
George's quick wit prevents discovery. 

Act II. — The plot thickens. Cornelia in search of her "Romeo." 
The downfall of Ferdy. Richard attempts to try the "soothing 
system" on a lunatic. George has a scheme connected with a fire 
in the furnace and some pitch tar. Richard runs amuck amid gen- 
eral confusion. 

Act III. — The Captain arms himself with a butcher knife and 
plans revenge. Nellie hopelessly insane. The comedy duel. "Ro- 
meo" at last. "Only one Nellie in the world." The unraveling of 
a skein of mystery, and the finish of an exciting day, to find it was 
"All a Mistake." 

A Busy Liar 

By GEORGE TOTTEN SMITH. 
Price, 25 Cents 

Farce-comedy, 3 acts; 7 m., 4 f. Time, iy^ h. Scenes: Easy to 
set, 1 exterior, 2 interiors. Characters: Simeon Meeker, who told 
one lie. Judge Quakely. Senator Carrollton. Macbeth, a hot-headed 
Scotchman. Dick, in a matrimonial tangle. William Trott, a re- 
cruit. Job Lotts, another one. Mrs. MacFarland, everybody's 
friend. Tennie, with a mind of her own. Janet, a Scotch lassie. 
Mrs. Early, a young widow. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Off to the war. A paternal arrangement of marriage. 
Janet of the Macbeth clan. Some complications. Meeker and the 
Widow. A lapse from truth. Meeker made captain. "You are 
afraid to go." "Afraid? Never!" 

Act II. — In camp. Captain Meeker and strict discipline. The 
Widow, the Judge and the Senator court-martialed. The Widow 
wins. Another lie and more complications. An infuriated Scotch- 
man. "You held her in your arms." "She is my wife." 

Act III. — The ball. "Not military matters, but matrimony." 
"Another of Meeker's fairy stories." The Captain in kilts. "The 
funniest thing I ever saw." The Widow untangles a tangle of lies. 
A lass for every lad. Peace proclaimed. Meeker remains "at the 
base of supplies." 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



A Daughter o£ the Desert 

By CHARLES ULRICH. 

Price, 25 Cents 

A comedy-drama of the Arizona Plains, 4 acts; 6 m., 4 f. Time, 
214 h. Scenes: 2 interiors. Easy to set. Characters: Harold 
Morton, a railroad surveyor. Clarence Ogden, a rancher. Samuel 
Hopkins, a land speculator. Pedro Silvera, a Mexican renegade. 
Jim Parker, a gambler. Bill Jones, a sure-fire sheriff. Ruth 
Arlington, a daughter of the desert. Mrs. Mary Ogden, a widow. 
White Bird, an Apache Indian girl. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Clarence and Lucy have an adventure. "How dare you 
kiss a helpless girl, sir?" Silvera's charge. Your father was killed 
by Charles Morton. The avowal of love. Hopkins dotes on custard 
pies. The Apache outbreak. "If I die, clear my father's name." 

Act II. — "It's not my stomach, but my heart, papa." Clarence 
wounded. The arrest of Morton. White Bird's avowal. "We shall 
bring the guilty to justice." 

Act III. — How Silvera got a scar on the back of his hand. "I put 
it there with my sticker!" "I am a man of honor and my word is 
my bond." The rescue of Morton by cowboys. Ruth has the upper 
hand. Off to the Mexican line. 

Act IV. — "My husband ate two lemon pies and died." White Bird 
clears up the mystery. "Silvera shot him in back." Jones and 
Parker take a hand in the game. Ruth the richest girl in Arizona. 
Everybody happy. 

The Lonely ville Social Club 

By W. C. PARKER. 
Price, 25 Cents 

Comedy, 3 acts; 10 f. Time, li/^ h. Exceedingly lively and 
humorous. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I.^Time hangs heavily on the hands of Mrs. Jack Newly- 
wed and Magda Peachblow, and they resolve to form a social club. 
The representative ladies of the village make a 9 o'clock general 
call. 

Act I presents Lonelyville's "four hundred." The stormy session 
of the benefit society. Gladys is both seen and heard. General con- 
fusion. 

Act II. — Mrs. Newlywed attempts to form the social club. Mrs. 
Purse Proud on her track. Discovered. A stormy scene. The 
determination to present "Uncle Tom's Cabin." 

Act III. — The town hall has been converted into a theater for 
the occasion. Gladys raises a row. Mrs. Steps and Mrs. Proud 
settle old scores. Ellen makes a show of herself. The performers 
are guyed by the "audience" and the performance cut short in 
disgust. The windup of the "Lonelyville Social Club." 

T, S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 




T)enison*s 
Vaudeville Sketches 

Price, 15 Cents Each, Postpaid. 

Nearly all of these sketches were written for profes- 
sionals and have been given with great success oy vaude- 
ville artists of note. They are essentially dramatic and 
very funny; up-to-date comedy. They are not recom- 
mended for church entertainments ; however, they con- 
iain nothing that will offend, and are all within the 
range of amateurs. 

DOINGS OF A DUDE.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 2 m., 1 f. 
Time 20 m. Scene: Simple interior. Maizy Von Billion of athletic tenden- 
cies is expecting a boxing instructor and has procured Bloody Mike, a prize 
fighter, to " try him out." Percy Montmorency, her sister s ping poag teacher. 
Is mistaken for the boxing instructor and has a "trying out" that Is a sur- 
prise. A whirlwind of fun and action. 

FRESH TIMOTHY HAY.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L.Newton; 2m., 
1 f . Time 20 m. Scene: Simple rural exterior. By terms of a will. Rose 
Lark must marry Reed Bird or forfeit a legacy. Rose and Reed have never 
met and when he arrives Timothy Hay, a fresh farm hand, mistakes him for 
J*ink Eye Pete, a notorious thief. Ludicrous lines and rapid action. 

QLICKMAN, THE GLAZIER.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton 
and A. S. Hoffman; 1 m., 1 f. Time 25 m. Scene: Simple interior. Char- 
lotte Russe, an actress, is sijored by a dra,matic paper. With "blood in her eye" 
she seeks the critic at the ofBce, finds no one in and smashes a window. Jacob 
Gllckman, a Hebrew glazier, rushes in and is mistaken for the critic. Fun, 
jokes, gags and action follow with lightning rapidity. A great Jew part. 

THE GODDESS OF LOVE.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m„ 
If. Time 15 m. Scene: Simple exterior. Aphrodite, a Greek goddess, is a 
statue in the park. According to tradition a gold ring placed upon her finger 
will bring her to life. Knott Jones, a tramp, who had slept in the park all 
night, brings her to life. A rare combinat ion of the beautiful and the best of 
comedy. Novel, easy to produce and a great hit. 

HEY, RUBE!— Monologue, by Harry L.Newton; Im. Time 15 m. Reuben 
Spinach from Yapton visits Chicago for the first time. The "vay he teUs of 
the sights and what befell him would make a sphinx laugh. 

IS IT RAINING?— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m., 1 f. 
Time 10 m. Otto Swimorebeer, a German, Susan Fairv/eather, a friend of 
his. This act runs riot with fun, gags, absurdities and comical lines. 

MARRIAGE AND AFTER.— Monologue, by Harry L. Newton and A. S. 
Hoffman; 1 m. Time about 10 m. A laugh every two seconds on a subject 
which appeals to all. Full of local hits. 

ME AND MY DOWN TRODDEN. SEX.— Old maid monologue, by Harry L. 
Newton; 1 f. Time 5 m. Polly has lived long enough to gather a few facta 
about men, which are told in the most laughable manner imaginable. 

AN OYSTER STEW.— A rapid-fire talking act, by Harry L. Newton and 
A. S. Hoffman; 2 m. Time 10 m. Dick Tell, a knowing chap. Tom Askit, 
not so wise. This act is filled to overflowing with lightning cross-flrea, 
pointed puns and hot retorts. 

PICKLES FOR TWO.— Dutch rapid-fire talking act, by Harry L. Newton 
and A. S. Hoffman; 2 m. Time 15 m. Hans, a German mixer. Gus, another 
one. Unique ludicrous Dutch dialect, interspersed with rib-starting witti- 
cisms. The style of act made famous by Weber and Field. 

THE TROUBLES OF ROZINSKL— Jew monologue, by Han-y L. Newton 
and A, S. Hoffman; 1 m. Time 15 m. Rozinski, a buttonhole-maker, is 
forced to join the union and go on a " strike." He lias troubles every minute 
that will tickle the ribs of both Labor and Capital. 

WORDS TO THE WISE.— Monologue, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m. Tim« 
about 15 m. A typical vaudeville talking act, which fe fat with funny lioea 
and tich rare hits tbat will be remembered and laughed over fear weetes. 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St.. Chicago 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. 

Price 15 Cents Each. Postpaid. Unless Different Price is Given. 



M. F. 

Documentary Evidence, 25 min. 1 1 

Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min.,.. 4 2 

Family Strike, 20 min 3 3 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min 4 

For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 

Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 
Fun in a Photograph Gallery, 

30 min 6 10 

Great Doughnut Corporation, 

30 min 3 5 

Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 
<ireat Pumpkin Case, 30 min. ..12 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min 4 3 

Happy Pair, 25 min 1 1 

I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 
Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 

Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min ... 3 3 

Is the Editor In? 20 min 4 2 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min .... 5 1 

Men Not Wanted, 30 min 8 

Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 

Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 

Mrs. Carver's Fancy Ball, 40 m. 4 3 
Mrs. Stubbins' Book Agent, 30 

min 3 2 

My Lord in Livery, 1 hr 4 3 

My Neighbor's Wife, 45 min ... 3 3 

My Turn Next, 45 min 4 3 

My Wife's Relations, 1 hr 4 6 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 

Obstinate Family, 40 min 3 3 

Only Cold Tea, 20 min 3 3 

Outwitting the Colonel, 25 min. 3 2 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 

Patsy O' Wang, 35 min 4 3 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min... 6 2 

Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min. . 6 3 

Regular Fix, 35 min 6 4 

Rough Diamond, 40 min 4 3 

Second Childhood, 15 min 2 2 

Slasher and Crasher, 50 min. . . 5 2 

Taking Father's Place, 30 min.. 5 3 

Taming a Tiger, 30 min 3 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 2 

Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 4. 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min 3 6 

Treasure from Egypt, 45 min. 4 1 

Turn Him Out, 35 min 3 2 

Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m. . 4 

Two Bonnycastles, 45 min 3 3 

Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 

Two Ghosts in White, 20 min.. 8 

Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Uncle Dick's Mistake, 20 min.. 3 2 

Wanted a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 

Wanted a Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Which Will He Marry? 20 min. 2 8 

Who Is Who? 40 min 3 2 

Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 

Wrong Baby, 25 min 8 

Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 



VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES. K'.ON- 
OLOGUES, ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. 

M. F. 

Ax'in' Her Father, 25 min 2 3 

Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.lO 
Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. . 1 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min 2 1 

Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min.. 1 1 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m. 14 

Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 1 

Doings of a Dude, 20 min 2 1 

Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 

Five Minutes from Yell College, 

15 min 2 

For Reform, 20 min 4 

Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min... 2 1 
Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min. . 1 1 
Handy Andy (Negro), 12 min.. 2 

Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 

Home Run, 15 min 1 1 

Hot Air, 25 min 2 1 

Jumbo Jum, 30 min 4 3 

Little Red School House, 20 m. 4 

Love and Lather, 35 min 3 2 

Marriage and After, 10 min... 1 
Mischievous Nigger, 25 min... 4 2 

Mistaken Miss, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. and- Mrs. Fido, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. Badger's Uppers, 40 min.. 4 2 
One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 
Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min.. 4 

Oyster Stew, 10 min 2 

Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10 

min 1 

Pickles for Two, 15 min 2 

Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 min. 2 2 
Prof. Black's Funny graph, IS m. 6 

Recruiting Office, 15 min 2 

Sham Doctor, 10 min 4 2 

Si and I, 15 min 1 

Special Sale, 15 min 2 

Stage Struck Darky, 10 min... 2 1 
Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min... 1 

Time Table, 20 min 1 1 

Tramp and the Actress, 20 min. 1 1 
Troubled' by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 
Troubles of Rozinski, IS min.. 1 
Two Jay Detectives, 15 min... 3 

Umbrella Mender, 15 min 2 

Uncle Bill at the Vaudeville, 15 

min , 1 

Uncle Jeff, 25 min 5 2 

Who Gits de Reward? 30 min.. 5 1 



A ^reat number of 

Standard and Amateur Plays 

not found here are listed in 

Denison's Cataloiiue. 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY. 154 W. Randolph St.. Chicago 



POPULAR ENTERTii 

Price, Illustrated Paper C< 




¥N this Series 
are found 
books touching 
every feature 
in the enter- 
tainment field. 
Finely made, 
g-ood paper, 
clear print and 
each book has 
an attractive 
individual cov- 
er design. 



DIALOGUES 

All Sorts of Dialoiiues. 

Selected, fine for older pupils. 
Catchy Comic Dialogues. 

New, clever; for young people. 
Chitdren's Comic Diaioiiues; 

From six to eleven years of age. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen selections. 
The Friday Afternoon Dialoi{ues. 

50,000 copies sold. 
From Tots to Teens. 

Dialogues and recitations. 
Lively Dialogues. 

For all ages; mostly humorous. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialogues, drills, plays. 
Wide Awake Dialogues. 

Brand new, original, successful. 

SPEAKERS. MONOLOGUES 

Choice Pieces for Little People. 

A child's speaker. 
The Comic Entertainer. 

Recitations, monologues.dialogues. 

Dialect Readings. 

Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc. 

The Favorite Speaker. 

Choice prose and poetry. 

The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 
For pupils of all ages. 

Humorous Monologues. 
Particularly for ladies. 

Monologues for Younii Folks. 
Clever, humorous, original. 

The Patriotic Speaker. 

Master|houghts of masterminds. 

The Poetical Entertainer. 
For reading or speaking. 

Ponies ov the Peepul. 

Wit, humor, satire; funny poems. 

Scran-Book Recitations. 

Choice collections, pathetic, hu- 
morous, descriptive, prose, poe- 
try. 14 Nos., per No. 2dc. 




J 



Tne nest Urill^ook. 

Very popular drills and marches. 
The Favorite Book of Drills. 

Drills that sparkle with originality. 
Little Plays With Drills. 

For children from 6 to 11 years. 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys* Entertainer. 

Monologues, dialogues, drills. 
Children's Party Book. 

Plans, invitations, decorations, 

games. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
Good Things for Christmas. 

Recitations, dialogues, drills. 
The Little Folks, or Work and Play. 

A gem of a book. 
Little Folks* Budget. 

Easy pieces to speak, songs. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials. 
J'atrlotlc Celebrations. 

Great variety of material. 
Praiiks and Pastimes. 

Parlor games for children. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Readinf^s. 

New and novel; for all ages. 
Twinkling Finders and Swaying 

Figures. For little tots. 
Yuletlde Entertainments. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

HAND BOOKS 

The Debater's Handbook. 

Bound only in cloth, 50c. 
Everybody's Letter Writer. 

A handy manual. 
Good Manners. 

Etiquette in brief form. 
Private Theatricals. 

How to put on plays. 
Social Card Games. 

Complete in brief form. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

Black American Joker. 

Minstrels' and end men's gags, 
A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 

Monologues, stump speeches,etc. 
Laudhland, via the Ha-Ha Route. 

A merry trip for fun tourists. 
Ne^ro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 
The New Jolly Jester. 

Fu nny stories, jokes, gags, etc. 

Lariie Illustrated Cataloiiue Free. 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers. 154 W. fiandolph St, CUca^o 



